An Empty Vessel

What does it mean to be an empty vessel??? This is something that has been weighing very heavy on my heart. Do we empty ourselves completely of everything that is us to become all of him. It is so hard to know where the line is drawn in truly emptying yourself. Sometimes i think it is finding the place where you are so much in tune with God that is becomes like you are one with him. I feel like i am talking in circles sometimes. It has been so long since i have written on here. This question that i have asked has puzzled me so much. I think so many times we can lost in the busyness of being saved, that we really forget why we got saved in the first place. To quote a famous song" I once was lost but now i am found was blind but now i see" Do you remember what it felt like the very first time you gave your life to Jesus. I remember this peace filling my whole body. Not just any peace, a peace like no other. I think if we are staying in touch with God and staying focused that peace should always be there. We lose it when we try to control what is going on around us. I am gonna get a little personal with myself. I lose it alot, i find myself rehearsing over and over what someone said or did wrong to me. Trying to figure out why they should be in the position they are in and still able to treat people like they do. Crazy but it is like i am a hen pecker, i peck the situation until every little seed is gone. Stupid i know and i guess today i kind of had a revelation. Jesus wants me to be with him and all that peckin is keeping my focus on them not him. Sounds childish i know but i think one of the worst areas the church falls short in is to much peckin and not enough lovin..... for lack of a better way to put it. I want to walk in to my church and feel that peace and love i felt the first day i gave my life to God. That warm fuzzy feeling you feel when you truly experience the holy spirit for the first time. I know that we can't always have the fuzzies but the concept is what i am looking for the concept that i am completely in tune and the church is completely in tune with God that we stop peckin and start doin. Start sharing his love, start lovin past the hurts and appearance, start helpin even though it may require us to give a little more than we want. Is the church really that far gone that we have forgotten how to love? I am repenting to God right now because i have been a pecker( wow that sounds bad) and i want to keep my seed to sow into someone not peck it all away............

Sisters everywhere.......

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother. As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter
'Don't forget your Sisters,' she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. 'They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need Sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them.'
'Remember that 'Sisters' means ALL the women... your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives too. 'You'll need other women. Women always do.'
What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman thought. Haven't I just gotten married?
Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'
But she listened to her Mother. She kept contact with her Sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, Sisters are the mainstays of her life.
After more than 50 years of living in this world, here is what I've learned:
THIS SAYS IT ALL:
Time passes. Life happens. Distance separates. Children grow up. Jobs come and go. Love waxes and wanes. Men don't do what they're supposed to do. Hearts break. Parents die. Colleagues forget favors. Careers end.
BUT.........
Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach.
When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.
Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you...Or come in and carry you out.Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life!
The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other.
Every day, we need each other still.

It's Almost Vacation Time......

This was supposed to be the first year we took a vacation as a family and i must admit i am a little bummed because we could not go. Johnnie's work froze all leave so we were not able to leave as planned. So basically what we have to do is take two long weekends somewhere around here. I should not complain i guess it is better than nothing but i was really excited about getting to go away as a family. We are gonna go to lake city this weekend sun to Tues and visit some friends come back wed cause Johnnie has to work leave again on sun and stay through Tues. again at his parents. So two long weekends and that is it. When i started writing this we were gonna take long weekends but now as it turns out we don't get to go anywhere Johnnie's job has froze all he is gonna get one day off a week for the rest of the summer. OK a fresh outlook (it stinks) we so deserve a vacation, i am gonna stand in faith and believe that somehow before the kids go back to school that we will get a vacation. We really need it!!!!!

I wanna get lost in you.....

I have not been writing as much as i was time is so scarce these days and i feel like i am in a huge transition right now. Everything is changing so quickly. I feel so frustrated and disoriented. I feel like there is huge wedge between me and my hubby right now. Not that there really is but it feels like it. I recognize that we are both frustrated and don't know which way is up or down. I have not been very easy to get along with these days. This i know is very true. I want so much to find that inner strength that i know is in there. I used to be so strong and secure in who i was and what i was supposed to do. Experiencing what we did in Chicago and then coming home to the same mundane things has been hard. My mom said when you are used by God inevitable discouragement will try to creep in your doors. I fear i have let it in. I want to silence all the voices in my head but God's. I know what he said to me it is time to let go. I have been holding on to a position and a place that is not mine to have. Johnnie says that when you seek position only you will always be disappointed but i guess where i get confused is what are we supposed to chase after? Does the will of God mean no position or does it mean we seek only him and he will put us where he wants us? How do we get ahead?? What are we really supposed to be going after. My heart feels so heavy i have been renewing my mind every day and praying every time i take a breath. I will not sink in to a hole, has been my daily confession. But it is really hard when the man you love is poking his head back in his shell and you feel like it is your fault. I do trust him and i do trust God it is all the crazy people with more flesh than raw meat that i don't trust. It is such a scary thing when you have spent years of your life sacrificing for people without even knowing it. When all along it was really supposed to be for God. I have planted both feet on the ground and am standing firm not only for my self but for Johnnie to. We will succeed and fulfill every word ever spoken over our life. We will not shrink back no matter how out of place we feel or how overlooked it may seem. Our promises are yes and amen and god will be faithful to fulfill every one. He has called us and i know we need to make room for the place in our life. We have got to look ahead and stop allowing all that is spinning around us right now to detour what we know we heard. So devil if your listening ( which i know you are ) you can't have our destiny. We will be like Job and praise God through every roadblock, through every pain and hurt and trial. I will forever have his praise on my lips. God please forgive me for doubting what i know you said to me and allowing fear to overtake me causing me to be a stumbling block to the most important man in my life. I love you johnnie we are gonna do it i know we will.

Life is full of Suprises!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you have spent any time at all with me you know how much I love to be lazy on Saturday's:).. I love to watch movies and hate to do house work. This Saturday wasn't any different but i felt like writing. God is changing and growing me and my family so much. I have been searching and praying for myself to move out of the way and for him to shine through me. Just him and only him, while i know we are human i want more of him and less of me. Looking at this picture of Johnnie and Harry while it is quite amusing and somewhat of an inside joke. I am amazed at the friend Harry is to Johnnie. They have been friends for years, and i don't mean the kind that come and go. I mean the kind that stick. They can have a very loud discussion and not see eye to eye and in ten minutes walk away laughing. I wish i had that kind of friendship. I think with women it is different we are very emotional and tend to hold grudges. I love the women god has placed in my life. But are they really my true friends. I have been asking myself this and many other questions lately. Life is so short it seems sometimes. Watching your kids grow up while you look away for one minute. One week turns into one year and what have we really done with that year. I have really been pondering on my life and what it entails and what i feel like god wants from me. I so much want to please him and stand before him and hear "well done". Their are so many parts to me that i really don't like. I hate how people always turn things around and play off the fact that i tend to feel guilty over everything. I really don't like that. I want you to tell me the truth. If you just need me to do things for you and that is it. Tell me don't pretend your my friend and then your not. That is just childish and foolish. On a little bit lighter note these people have forced me to learn to rely solely on god and what he wants to do in my life, i am so thankful for him and my family. Without them i would be lost. I know that everything happens for a purpose so me rambling through this blog has helped me more than any counseling session;) I am sorry if this didn't make sense to anyone. But sometimes you just need to get it out.

The Sloans......

I spent three wonderful days with these girls and i miss them like crazy. Tara and Craig have done an amazing job with them. They are on fire bible breathing chitlins:) I am so proud to call them my nieces. Kaitlyn has an awesome powerful anointing in dance. Incredible!!!!!! She also is an amazing prayer warrior. When we were in Chicago i pulled her up to pray for a girl and she prayed until she broke. It was amazing to see her minister and flow. Kelsea has always been my baby, she stayed alot with us when she was little and now she is grown and doesn't talk as much as she did then her and Maya used to dance their hearts out to Mary Kate and Ashley movies. My how times have changed. Haley bug she is such a miracle born early she has always been a fighter, her and emry have always been buds. Being around her made me realize how alike they are. They are technology geniuses or they should be for all the time they spend with electronics. Lexi was a baby when they moved away but she acts like she has grown up with us she wanted me to help her do everything it was so much fun to be needed by her. And baby Izzy with the wild Gigi hair. What a precious angel she was she loved Johnnie so much she was a little skittish of me but was loving on me by the end of the weekend. Craig and Tara were awesome and flowing with them was so easy like we had been doing it all our lives. God is amazing at how he works things. It has been years since we seen them but we picked up like it was yesterday. I miss them and send them my love. I love you guys and can't wait to see you again soon. Can you tell i am missing family today you don't really realize how important people are until they are to far away to run down the street and see. There are so many people in my life that i cherish. I am thankful god has blessed us with family and such wonderful friends. Thank you for loving us and always being support and help all the time.

The Greatest Man Ever (JOHNNIE)

It is almost fathers day and i just want to say I am so thankful for the man that God has placed in my life and over my home. I have watched him grow and experience God and gain wisdom daily and i am just amazed at how wise he really is. Does he know everything NO does he need me YES :) But I need him to and i know that he does have much wisdom. He has been my strength the last month and i am so grateful to have him in my life. We went to Chicago to lead worship for the first time ever and our intentions were to bring Jesus with us and to only be used by him. I was so honored to serve alongside him. He is an untapped resource of worship and knowledge few people really understand Him. But i know that he will be used by God and has the ability to touch lives some will never waste their time on. He will be the one that gives the quarter back on the bus, because he knows the importance of one of God's children. I am so blessed to call him my husband and the father of my children. God has grown us together and i would not have had it any other way. We have fought, loved, cried and cared more deeply over the past ten years. But god has molded us into a very dangerous couple. Watch out Satan you can't have anyone we come in contact with. The Jesus in Johnnie and Debbie will kick your butt!!!!! So to end this i want to say I LOVE YOU BABE you are the most amazing husband, father and friend. I am so glad God gave me you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chicago was Incredible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chicago was so awesome!!!! We landed Thursday at about one thirty and we didn't stop until Saturday at two thirty in the morning. We were all exhausted but i would not have traded the experience for anything in the world. Thursday we hung out with Craig and Tara and the girls ate some pizza and just chilled. Friday morning we rode the bus all by our self:) to downtown and did some walking and site seeing it was pretty amazing i am not sure the big city life is for me all that walking and all that traffic :) Wow it is crazy but beautiful. We got to the hotel at about two thirty and my mom met us there we set up the sound and it got really busy from there we practiced and then at seven we did our first ever leading by our self. It was amazing something we thought we weren't at all ready for God so went before us and paved a road that was smooth as can be. The first session ended up going for quite a long time. The power of god fell and peoples lives were changed they flowed in the prophetic and God just really moved. It was so a rewarding and humbling experience. God is truly awesome and he does take care of us.... Friday night we ended our last part at about twelve thirty went to our room ate some Giordano's and tried to catch some Zzz..... Woke up before eight to start our day all over. The morning sessions were great all the speakers did an awesome job. Especially Tara she was amazing and we ending the day in worship and prophetic. Breaking (literally with hammering cement blocks) things off of our life that needed to be broken. It was incredible. The time went by way to fast and i so enjoyed hanging with the Sloan's. I missed them so much, didn't really realize how much i missed them until i was with them. The five girls are amazing and each one different and sweet as can be. Chicago has definitely captured my heart with my precious family there. Thank you God for the wonderful opportunity and the provision you made for us to be able to attend. Thanks to the wonderful encounter team who did such an incredible job of putting the whole thing together. Hats off to all of you. You are awesome men and women of God.

Chicago Here we come!!!!!

We have been given the great opportunity of ministering with Pastors Craig and Tara Sloan in Chicago this weekend. I am so excited to get to see them and the girls and i also am excited to see the doors that God is opening for us. One question has been racing through my mind all day. Are we ready???? When are we ever really ready or do we just put one foot in front of the other and jump in head first. I do know that God has opened this door and he will give us what we need to fulfill this opportunity giving him all the glory and honor and praise. Our only job is to worship him and allow his anointing to flow through us. It is not about our gifts it is about him and i am so blessed and honored that he chose us for such a time as this. His wonders never cease to amaze me. He loves us :)

My Sister in law loves some Questionaires:)!!!!!

I joke on you tara but these are really fun and i learn so much about people and you that i didn't know. LOVE YOU SIS!!!!


I AM: Emptying myself to try to become full of jesus...

I WANT: God's perfect plan for me and my family

I WISH: i saw my family more often

I HATE: fakeness, just be real....

I LOVE: mi familia and worship

I MISS: my family!

I FEAR: walking through the wrong door.

I HEAR: nap musie

I WONDER: what jesus looks like

I REGRET: being over emotional

I AM NOT: skinny but starting over ;)

I DANCE: with my kids

I SING: everytime i open my mouth.

I CRY: Way to much

I AM NOT ALWAYS: very quiet

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: food ;)

I WRITE: as often as i can

I CONFUSE: anything i have to remember

I NEED: to lose a hundred pounds :)

I SHOULD: exercise every day

I START: alot would like to finish more

I FINISH: all of my sentances whether you listen or not

I TAG: all my blogging friends and anyone else who comes here and wants to do this.

Happy Mothers Day !!!!

Wow I have been a mother for ten + years. It is incredible to me how quickly they grow. I blinked and my son was in fourth grade and my daughter in third. I remember being a teenager and thinking about having kids. All the goals and dreams i had hoped for them and still do. Some they have far exceeded than what i would have ever hoped or dreamed. My Mom was here this week, man i miss her. She is my very best friend she has a wisdom and an integrity that i can only hope and pray i possess some day. God has truly blessed me with her. Saturday i went to a mother daughter banquet and the speakers talked about a language between a mother and a daughter that god ordained called biblical womanhood. My highest calling is to teach my children about god and his love for them. If you have never been a mom it is an unconditional love that comes from the minute you know they are there. This ability to love something so completely no matter what it does to you can only come from god. The love he has for us is the same. That blows my mind he loves me. Me, the messed up girl who can't ever seem to get it right, but gets up every time and tries again. The one who screws up pretty much every decision she makes and doesn't have a very good self esteem. The girl who usually is harder on herself than anyone ever could be. The girl who works twelve hours a day to take care of other peoples kids sometimes at the expense of her own. The girl who can barely keep her house clean or make ends meet most of the time. God loves me...... isn't that refreshing. I am so humbled to think that if it was only for me he still would have done it. He loves me with the same love i love as a mother. Today we celebrate mothers every where and i can't help but thank God today for mine and for allowing me to be one. He trusted me to shape two young lives into pure vessels to be used by him. Wow he is good ;) !!!!!

You really want to know

How old will you be in 13 months?
36

What are you looking forward to in the next month?
Going to chicago to see my hubby's family and lead worship at an encounter.
Actually encountering God at the encounter :)

Are you easily confused?
Unfortunatly yes sometimes i am

Do you think you would make a good wife/husband?
I would hope i have learned to be one ten years :)

If you could see ONE band / musician live who would it be (alive or dead)
Jesus culture/kim walker

Is your current hair color mostly your natural hair color?
yes with a little gray

Whats one of your biggest pet peeves?!
Fake backstabbing people
Has anyone ever borrowed something from you and never returned it?
Yes, but i don't remember who or what

Do you fall for people easily?
I used to but to many burns cause you to stand pretty far away from the fire.

Everything happens for a reason?
Yes but i think it reflects some sort of decision we have made

Have you ever dated someone more than once?
yes, johnnie and i have been dating for the the last year :)

What is the most trouble that you have ever been in?!
I plead the fifth

When is the last time you talked to number 1 on your top friends?
This morning my hub

What are you listening to right now?
Naptime cd at work


Do you live with both your parents?
Nope my hub and two kids

Last person you said I love you too?
Johnnie D

What is it you truly want right now?
To feel better

Are you wearing jeans right now?
Yes

How many 20 dollar bills do you have on you right now?
None who carries cash anymore :????

Do you dance in the car?
Yes me and my daughter do a lot of car dancing

Do you smile a lot?
Yes I do!

When was the last time you got flowers?
????? last year

Do you wish at 11:11?
Nope
Can you play any instruments?
Used to play clarinet but it has been to long ago

Whats something that people are surprised to find out bout you?!
That i used to be a wild woman

Do you have a tattoo?
No not in to self inflicted pain

Are you hiding something from someone?
don't think so

Are there things you can't live without?
JESUS

What was your first thought when you looked in the mirror this morning?
Lord have mercy....

Do you like to have long hair or short hair?
I love my short hair but my husband hates it

Have you memorized your social security number?
Mine and my husbands!

Do you think you'll be married in 10 years?
Yes I will

Is your family just a bundle of fun?
We love to laugh

Do you laugh at all the wrong times?
Lets just say i live there.
When did you last smile?
just now....

I dont think this is right :) TARA!!!!!!!

Your Personality at 35,000 Says...

Deep down, you prefer spending time alone to spending time with others. You enjoy thinking more than talking. You are good with your place in the world. You are confident and comfortable with who you are. Your gift is having a good eye. You take amazing picture and have the natural talent for most visual arts. You are inspired by great thinkers and heroes. You find human accomplishment riveting. You are happy but often stressed out. If you can slow down and appreciate life, you enjoy it a lot more.

http://www.blogthings.com/thepersonalitytestat35000feet/">The Personality Test at 35,000 Feet

I Die to Live for you !!!!!

This past week Pastor Paul Godowa was at our church for the Sunday morning service and he brought a word that i think left everyone with their mouth open. He talked about how we had to die and Christ had to live in us. I have heard this said so many times but it has never hit me as hard as it did on Sunday. I have to die. When i think about death i think about leaving this world and being in heaven. But the kind of death he talked about was laying down all that was me to be filled with all that is him. I believe through that sermon god gave me a song title " I die to live for you" where the rest of the song is who knows maybe it will come through my death. God has been molding me for quite some time now and he is not finished yet. So to sum it all up i think God is calling all of us "Christians " to lay down us and pick up him. Do i really want to be so consumed with what i want. Someone said recently it was a whole lot of God and a little of me. I want that to be my everyday and for that to happen Debbie has to die. Debbie has to sacrifice and lay down all that she may want or not want and do what he says. My prayer this week is Ears to hear, Eyes to see and lips that speak his words. I will die and he will live in me. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kindred Spirits!!!!!!!

These are our worship leaders and if you have ever seen the movie Anne of Green Gables. They are our kindred spirits and bosom friends. They are leaving and seeking the will of God for their life. It is exciting but so hard to lose them near us. I know our friendship is good enough we are not losing the relationship. But they won't be down the street anymore and that part makes me sad. They have taught us so much about being real and being touchable. They are true genuine people with a definite passion and hunger to worship god. I honor them today because they believed in me when few did. They didn't give up and they kept pushing. We love you guys and you will be dearly missed :) To the best worship leaders and friends we have. Love you Luke and Sam.

How does your Garden grow???

I have one of those devotional books i got for free in the mail and it is awesome. Most often they say you can't get anything for free but in this case, it is packed full of Good stuff. The last two days it has talked about a garden and how to tend it and honestly it has been amazing what i have learned in what some may call a little concept of gardening. So many people feel like they are planted in the wrong place, myself included and this book has helped me to see so much differently. What if i was planted in the wrong place? "Gardens that flourish enjoy the right location, a location chosen so that whatever is planted can bloom to it's full potential. Even before God created the Garden of Eden he had each of us in mind. He made the entire universe his garden with each of us specifically in his thoughts and and on his heart. God knew precisely what mix of talents and gifts he would blend together so that you would bloom in a way different from anyone else. God knew what nurturing you would require, what weeding would make it possible for you to branch out to your full potential. Your lord made you to be beautiful, precious, and cherished. No one else can fill your place in his garden." It goes on to touch on Psalm 139 it talks about how much God knows us and delights in us. My husband said something last night that really made a lot of sense to me, wow amazing how much wisdom is in the word. The steps of a righteous man are ordered so all we are really responsible for is stepping right and left each foot in front of the other. God is responsible for the rest so don't worry about where your going or how you will get there keep walking one foot in front of the other and bloom where you are planted.

A beautiful bride is an amazing thing, you don't ever see that kind of light on every day faces. It is amazing to me how much joy you can see in her face. If we are the church and we are his bride why don't our faces reflect that joy?? I have asked myself this question as my joy has been lost as of late. I have allowed circumstance and people steal the very joy of just loving Jesus. He is my groom and i want to capture the purest joy through just loving him. I want to be able to hear his voice and no one else. While it may seem sometimes people are more significant in our lives than they should be i am choosing to close the door to negative voices in my life or voices that would make me feel less than i am worthy of. I deserve the best because that is what God wants for me. I will press through this very trying time and i will come out on top where God has me first because he is my source and my protector through him i find my beginning and my end. He is my strong tower where i ( the righteous ) run in and am safe. I love to feel the presence and smell the sweet aroma of God all around me. I am so thankful that he has covered me like a blanket with his love. While i may hurt he is there to heal and build back up what others have torn down! Thank you for loving me!!!!!!!

Along for the ride???

Do you ever feel like your just along for the ride??? This picture is hysterical what choice does a dog really have? He goes where they take him and that is it. I think in life it is the same for some people unless we stand up for ourselves and go down the road we want. Today's society is very pushy, more people know what they want and they don't care who they got to step on to get it. So in many ways a lot of us are just along for the ride i feel like it is time for those of us that have been pushed out to stand up and say I do Matter and this ride is stopping cause i want to get off! Make sense to anyone we control the rides we are on. Good or Bad the ride is our choice so today which ride are you on?????

My kids are away at Johnnie's parents and i am lonely. I know we all need a break at times and it is so nice to have one but i miss them so much. I don't know what to do when they are not here. I can't clean anymore than i have been i mean i guess i could dust :) It is amazing to me how fast they grow it seems like yesterday i was rocking them both to sleep at night as babies. I so wish for those days back. I have loved watching them grow, but before i know it they will be grown and gone. I remember as a little kid thinking i can't wait to grow up and get married and now look i just turned thirty four and i have a ten year old and an eight year old. What in the world???? Where did all the years go. I am so glad we are cherishing each other and the kids. We have been with them every step just like my mom was with me and i will never regret it. Are they perfect no but they are good kids and they are mine. I am so thankful for them and can't wait to have them home again :)

I love Wild Flowers!!!!!!!!

I love wildflowers, this picture is so incredibly beautiful just look at it a whole field full of them. I have often considered myself a bit of a wildflower. The past few months have brought about so many changes in my life. Some good some not so good but all i am very sure were necessary. I have been spring cleaning my closet ( like my husband said) over the past few days and wow was it dirty so many cobwebs, so many dreams that needed a good dusting. As i have begun the cleaning process i have discovered something very important about myself. I will never fit a mold, I am who I am and that is OK. As much as i want to feel apart, i will never look at things the same as everyone else. God gave me my own thoughts and hopes. So if i try to conform those to be what everyone else wants. I won't fulfill what he wants me to do. I grow impatient sometimes waiting on the fulfillment. I want to have it right then, but i do believe through all of this God is teaching me how to trust him and how to lean on him. I am a wildflower that god created there are no two flowers that are exactly alike even if it is the number of petals they are never identical. So i am not gonna do things like everyone else. I am gonna be me and do things like me and that is good enough i am valuable to god and to my family. Everyone else has to get in line to smell this flower :) !!!!!!!!

God is Bigger than Anything!!!!!!

It is amazing to me how God works and how quickly things change over a month ago these were the people i was surrounded by everyday. And quick as a flash everything changed but through all of this i have to trust God my husband gets so mad at me because i don't process things like i should i guess or as quickly as he would like me to he doesn't like to listen to me talk about the same thing over and over but some times i have to make some sense out of it and that is the only way i know how. I love my friends and i love my family. There are days i wish everything would go back to the way it was it was familiar i knew what to do and i knew what to be. This unknown land is so very scary to me i don't know what is expected of me i don't function well in the unknown. I don't feel worthy of anything they have to offer me. I feel like they will always look down on me. I don't want to feel less than i am. I want to feel valued and be treated like i do know a little because i do. I have been working my butt off for almost eight years to get where i was and now it is like i am starting from scratch which stinks. I am looking for security and the only place i have truly found it is in him. Does he think i can do this, Does he think i am qualified for this road, Does he really believe in me. These are questions i face every day and my mind needs a rest. I will find rest in the arms of a loving God who does believe in me when everyone else doubts and doesn't think i can do he believes in me. He put the things in me that they refuse to see and I will look to him for guidance and my approval will come through his eyes only. One day i will stand before him and he will say well done thy good and faithful servant. It is hard to not want that from those you are under. Do i really need it? My flesh Say's yes my spirit says no. Thank you for being the one source that never runs dry.

7 things about me!!!!!

My sister-n-law tagged me to tell you seven things you don't know about me!!!!!;





1.I met Johnnie at a birthday party for his sister reading a brochure about being gay:)



2. Our first date was with Toni Haney (Dement) at Disney world she chaperoned it very well i might add :)



3. I love to help people i would consider myself a giver, sometimes to much at the expense of myself ( God is definitely helping me to discern :)



4. I miss my family so much and wish we could all live close to each other



5. I love kids and educating them. I never thought i would be doing what i am doing but aside from all the drama :) i love my job.



6. I have a vision for my husband and I to be in ministry he doesn't see it but it is all over him



7. Feet Gross me out, i hate even thinking about touching them.

I don't have anyone left to tag everyone has already been tagged but this was fun getting to know everyone a little better :)

I love Jane Austen to!!!!!!

My sister in law is awesome we should start a club !!!!!

Take the Quiz here!

The Ride of your life

Ever feel like you are on a ride that is spinning out of control. Crazy but fun ? How is it possible that so many emotions can come out of one ride?? Some are scared, excited, major adrenaline flowing. Some get sick, some laugh and cry at the same time. Kind of cool kind of like life. There is so much joy wrapped up in the crazy circle we call our lives. If you have been reading at all about my life the past couple of weeks have been like the magnum at cedar point( my favorite roller coaster). But i do think that the ride may have slowed after an eye opening conversation with my mom today i may have finally found some peace and maybe even a little deliverance. For any of you out there i need delivered from so bad bondage. ( can i get an amen ) :) I have spent several years trying to live up to what other people want and i think most of the time at the expense of myself and my family. I have given and given and given until the only thing left in me is the ugly because somehow along the road i forgot to replenish the supply. I think so many times our lives are like this Ferris wheel spinning so fast out of control we don't know how to stop it. We get so caught up in the everyday functions that before we know it we have allowed to many people on our ride and it is spinning like a whirlwind massively out of control. We should never be in control it should always be God, when we get on rides we are not in control the crazy carny guy with the wrinkled shirt, and the messy hair and no teeth is in control. Most of us will jump right on that ride and put our life in his hands but we won't put it in the hands of the very one who gave us life, who breathed the air in our lungs and allowed us to live. Today i have challenged myself.. i want to hear the voice of God i will quiet all the voices in my head so that for the first time in a very long time i will be able to hear him. I mean really hear him and know his purposes for my life. In the hustle of everyday i want to be able to say i did what he wanted me to do, i touched who he wanted me to touch and minister to. My life is not about me, it has a greater purpose, to be who he wants. So next time you go to the fair or an amusement park stop and think Whose hands am i putting my life in? I chose God over all I chose you !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Redirection???????????????

I am so frustrated and angry, so instead of having a pity party i
am gonna write no one really reads these anyway so it is OK :) I have been in such a whirlwind of emotions and everyone around me somehow always twists it around to be my problem. Am i seriously the only one that reacts or has emotions. Does the whole world spin around my anger or my resentment or my flesh. Am i really the only one in the whole entire world that has a temper? Or i am the only one that refuses to hid behind a mask of fakeness. I have heard it said that what you are most passionate about is a gift in your life. In my case what makes you the maddest. (is that a word?) I want so much to control it. I have spend weeks pouring into the word and trying to change the attitude of my heart, but it does not seem to be working. So what now?? I am wrecking havoc all around me and making everyone miserable so they say. Is there a verse about finding out where your anger comes from?? Is it some deep dark place in me where i have not forgiven someone or feel like they owe me something. Is it just me being selfish or is it everyone else??? (Fat chance on the everyone else part), That would mean that other people would have to admit when they are wrong and that won't happen while i am alive to see it. I have relinquished my pride to know that no matter how right i may be to save face i say i am sorry and that is it. Not every one shares my desire for peace, and probably will never admit it might possibly be something they have done. But the reality of the situation is I am not responsible for them, i am responsible for me and my actions. So while lashing out might feel good is it right?? That is the question. But when is my silence enough, when i have become a door mat and allowed everyone to walk on me and trample me so far in the ground i can't see the top. When i am buried so deep in hurt and anger that i really am mad everyday, these are question i battle with. When is enough really enough? At what point do i sacrifice my self-esteem , pride or lack there of for everyone else to be right and have the last word???? I will resolve within myself this morning to lay it at your feet Jesus for you are really the only one that can answer these questions racing through my head. I will make peace with you and in my own heart.

I am Sad!!!!!

It is crazy that with every day comes a new challenge. The last couple of days i have been feeling somewhat out of sorts. Not really knowing what to do or who to trust. I have sought God at every feeling of uncertainity and today i felt like a crazy woman. Like someone opened a box of spaghetti and dropped it on the floor and every piece of me was broke in half. The empty box serves no purpose. Someone posed the question of my skills as a wife and mother and i felt so sad. Am i really all of the negative, do i really make life that hard, am i really that unbearable. If i am God please forgive me. I don't try to be that horrible. I really am trying to be like you, it has been raining all day and i have done laundry and housework but my heart is sad and hurting. Where do i turn when i hurt to jesus. He is the only one i feel ok with. Lord i need you to come in and heal my hurting heart and restore the wounds of words. You are my refuge. Good thing i have been reading Psalm 62.

Good Friday!!!!

Wow a day off, a three day weekend gotta love those. I have recently come into some what of a clarity in my life the past couple of days. Trust no one but God, your family and that is it...... People are so fickle and i guess me relying on people so much has caused somewhat of a handicap on my part. There is this little inner voice that tells me i need them to be successful. Don't get me wrong i know we need relationships and authorities in our life. But why do we put so much emphasis on what people think. I have spent the greater part of me trying to please everyone around me and wasted so much time and energy. When what i really should have been doing was just loving God. Pouring every ounce of energy in walking out his plan and will for my life. Time flies by so quickly and things always happen for a reason. I thank God everyday that i wake up to new ideas and dreams and goals for our family. It is almost Easter, the day all of us Christians live for. The day he arose and i can't help but think is he waiting on us to arise. Those things that have died on the very inner of us. The thing that makes us who we are. Is it dead inside can we arise to meet the Jesus that so many people talk about. The one who gave his very life that we might have life forever. Thinking on Easter i am reminded of the movie the passion and so many thought omg how graphic did they really have to show all of that. But i am also reminded that he really didn't have to do all that. It was his choice to be ridiculed, mocked beaten beyond recognition for me. Debra Jean Denson, yes he knows my name and he would do it all again just for me. I love you lord , Oh how he loves us OH he loves us so. What an awesome thing how he loves us!!!!!!!!!

In the Shelter of His Arms!!!!!!!

A few days ago a really good friend shared a special passage of scripture with me that blew me away. Have you ever read Psalm 62, I mean really read it. I have read it several times a day for the last few days and wow, I mean really read it thinking that God is talking to me. It was an amazing peace and feeling of safety to know.... "He alone is my rock and i shall not be shaken" He is the one that will always be the steady in my life!!!!! "Find rest o my soul in God alone my hope comes from him" Not only shall i not be shaken but i can rest and hope. For years i have found shelter in the approval of man or doing a good job. It was like a light turned on in the inside of me, I just need Jesus. I don't need to find my hope and rest in any man but in the one who is like a steady rock. "Two things have i heard that you o God are strong, and that you O lord are loving" Is that really true to find strength and love and compassion and joy and peace and hope and restoration all wrapped up in one solitary life. One rock that holds the key to my very life and destiny. Psalm 62 says he is steady and i shall not be shaken. So no matter how uncertain i feel right now or how much i want to run, he is the steady in me he will not let me be shaken he will gently guide me on the right path through a loving and hopeful, restful place where i will be rewarded for all my battle fighting. WOW pretty amazing God we have. I thank you lord for loving me enough to be the rock in me!

Saturday !!!!!

Today started out like any other saturday i slept :) i love to sleep and am saddened by my recent discovery of Proverbs that says do not love sleep or you will be poor, if that was the only thing stopping me from my fortune, wow did i blow it:) I love order and hate chaos but today has been somewhat chaotic running here and there and everywhere it is five thirty and i have not done the first load of laundry....... but something on the inside of me says so. I took my little girl to get her hair cut off today wow, after that we took a trip to the store to buy groceries and spent a afternoon hanging out, Johnnie is cooking dinner and we are just being together. It is amazing to me how good God really is. I know i have said it several times but i am so happy we are a functional family unit. We really are, I am so thankful for my husband and my kids and for the wonders in this world like a beautiful spring day with grass and flowers and a light breeze. I am so excited for what is ahead of us and the many challenges we will face don't scare me anymore as long as we are together :) Life will always be good.

I love my family

Today was the first day back to world after the dreaded time change our day started out crazy. The kids were crying not enough sleep, I didn't hear the alarm clock ( me not enough sleep) so we dashed out of bed threw everything together then headed to work( me still not enough sleep). I was feeling a little out of sorts or as my kids like to call it cranky:) Wasn't until about ten o'clock that i realized i choose how my day is gonna be, chugged down some coffee and started over. Now wouldn't it be awesome if everyone had that kind of revelation every day. I think so many times we move along everyday doing the same thing over and over and never realizing we are choosing to repeat routines. I want a new day with a new way. Try something different instead of saying yes every time they ask say no just once. Spend a night at home curled up on the couch with your family and a great movie. Go on a picnic or just be together. Life is way to short to waste any more time. God has called each of us to live each day to the fullest. My greatest accomplishment will be the arrows i shoot into the future. My kids and they will always cherish the little things, the notes in the lunchbox or me stopping to actually listen to what they are saying. It is amazing how much they teach me. I love my family and I love the way we are all growing together. God still moves stones and my family has become a rock that shall not be moved by anyone. We are together in every way. Finally a healthy family unit :) Thanks to everyone that never gave up on us and all the prayers that went out. They really worked :)

A New Week

You know it is crazy my whole life Sunday has been the seventh day of the week, but look at any calender and they have Sunday as the first day of the week. Why is that??? Why the first last???? What is the deal, Friday he died rose on the third day which day of the week is Sunday. As a child i grew up dreading Sunday my mom always made us go to church i liked church but i hated getting dressed up. Stupid i know but you know kids and how they think. But now as an adult i kind of still dread Sunday not because of the clothes anymore but because so many people have learned how to wear masks and to me it is just another day for a different mask! I long for the day when we all take off our masks and live just like we are. I think God desires that he wants himself seen through us and how can we really show him if we are always hiding behind a mask. So today i challenge you which mask will you wear. Jesus or the days of the week mask. I repented this morning at church for not having the hunger and passion for the holy spirit i should have so no more masks for me. What you see is what you get no matter who likes or doesn't. I want to reflect him everywhere i go and in everything i do. I wanna be just like you Lord.

Feels like Fall in Indiana!!!!

Today is Saturday, I love this day the day that is all mine... As a mom, wife and worker don't get many of those do we ladies??? Well today i am doing some laundry little cleaning and i mean little :) and some deep thinking. When it is time for God to move you do you really know for sure or is it like everything in life you get a word and you act on it. If it was to soon you step back if it was to late you hold on and pray really hard. But if it was the right time, the gates of hell swing wide open and Satan unleashes every demon in hell to chase you. I think that i am in the fight of my life and God is still so evident to me. NOW THAT IS WHAT I CALL GROWTH!!! Not to toot my own horn but Johnnie and I have been growing so much lately and i love the growth especially since it is together. We are building bonds with each other and with our kids. It is absolutely amazing how God's timing is always the right time. Don't rush him he is perfecting something and believe me God's perfection is the one you want not your own. !!!!!!

My Life is Crazy!!!!

You know so many times, when you speak out in faith and say words like I am gonna trust God no matter what all hell breaks loose. Sunday my supervisor and her husband resigned from the church which was a huge blow did not even know anything at all. I felt such a loss she has been there for me in so many ways. There were times when we would be at each others throats but every time like a new day we would always overcome. Over the past seven years she has been my boss but most importantly my friend. My heart is broken i feel like we should have a memorial service. I know that there is so much more on the inside of them but i miss them so much. My job is not the same, my church is not the same. I need Jesus more than ever before. I don't understand why things happen the way they do. The one thing i do know is that God does. I have to trust him right now no matter how much i am hurting and how unsure i am of the future. Today i got through today and tomorrow i will get through tomorrow "he knows the plans he has for me" plans to give me a hope and a future. Praise God i am forever in his hands ;)

Wow this is fun~~~~

It is amazing to me how much you learn on these blogs:) just spend an hour reading my sister in laws page or blog shall we say and i learned alot about her and her family when you live far away from people and your life is as busy as both of ours you seldom have a minute to come up for air much less talk on the phone. So for that I am grateful for her blog, it keeps me in the know. Welcome to the Densons World :) I love my family and I miss them so much especially all my nieces by that I mean Nine nieces. Seven on my husbands side and two on mine. My little boy is the only male in a long line or headstrong goal grabbing woman:) Way to go Emry. The incredible challenging life of buzy working mom is so rewarding sometimes, My kids Emry almost ten and Maya almost nine never seem to amaze me at how much they see and recognize. God has shown light through them so many times. I love to watch them during our church worship service they are amazing worshippers and I am proud to call them mine.