Redirection???????????????

I am so frustrated and angry, so instead of having a pity party i
am gonna write no one really reads these anyway so it is OK :) I have been in such a whirlwind of emotions and everyone around me somehow always twists it around to be my problem. Am i seriously the only one that reacts or has emotions. Does the whole world spin around my anger or my resentment or my flesh. Am i really the only one in the whole entire world that has a temper? Or i am the only one that refuses to hid behind a mask of fakeness. I have heard it said that what you are most passionate about is a gift in your life. In my case what makes you the maddest. (is that a word?) I want so much to control it. I have spend weeks pouring into the word and trying to change the attitude of my heart, but it does not seem to be working. So what now?? I am wrecking havoc all around me and making everyone miserable so they say. Is there a verse about finding out where your anger comes from?? Is it some deep dark place in me where i have not forgiven someone or feel like they owe me something. Is it just me being selfish or is it everyone else??? (Fat chance on the everyone else part), That would mean that other people would have to admit when they are wrong and that won't happen while i am alive to see it. I have relinquished my pride to know that no matter how right i may be to save face i say i am sorry and that is it. Not every one shares my desire for peace, and probably will never admit it might possibly be something they have done. But the reality of the situation is I am not responsible for them, i am responsible for me and my actions. So while lashing out might feel good is it right?? That is the question. But when is my silence enough, when i have become a door mat and allowed everyone to walk on me and trample me so far in the ground i can't see the top. When i am buried so deep in hurt and anger that i really am mad everyday, these are question i battle with. When is enough really enough? At what point do i sacrifice my self-esteem , pride or lack there of for everyone else to be right and have the last word???? I will resolve within myself this morning to lay it at your feet Jesus for you are really the only one that can answer these questions racing through my head. I will make peace with you and in my own heart.