God is Bigger than Anything!!!!!!

It is amazing to me how God works and how quickly things change over a month ago these were the people i was surrounded by everyday. And quick as a flash everything changed but through all of this i have to trust God my husband gets so mad at me because i don't process things like i should i guess or as quickly as he would like me to he doesn't like to listen to me talk about the same thing over and over but some times i have to make some sense out of it and that is the only way i know how. I love my friends and i love my family. There are days i wish everything would go back to the way it was it was familiar i knew what to do and i knew what to be. This unknown land is so very scary to me i don't know what is expected of me i don't function well in the unknown. I don't feel worthy of anything they have to offer me. I feel like they will always look down on me. I don't want to feel less than i am. I want to feel valued and be treated like i do know a little because i do. I have been working my butt off for almost eight years to get where i was and now it is like i am starting from scratch which stinks. I am looking for security and the only place i have truly found it is in him. Does he think i can do this, Does he think i am qualified for this road, Does he really believe in me. These are questions i face every day and my mind needs a rest. I will find rest in the arms of a loving God who does believe in me when everyone else doubts and doesn't think i can do he believes in me. He put the things in me that they refuse to see and I will look to him for guidance and my approval will come through his eyes only. One day i will stand before him and he will say well done thy good and faithful servant. It is hard to not want that from those you are under. Do i really need it? My flesh Say's yes my spirit says no. Thank you for being the one source that never runs dry.

7 things about me!!!!!

My sister-n-law tagged me to tell you seven things you don't know about me!!!!!;





1.I met Johnnie at a birthday party for his sister reading a brochure about being gay:)



2. Our first date was with Toni Haney (Dement) at Disney world she chaperoned it very well i might add :)



3. I love to help people i would consider myself a giver, sometimes to much at the expense of myself ( God is definitely helping me to discern :)



4. I miss my family so much and wish we could all live close to each other



5. I love kids and educating them. I never thought i would be doing what i am doing but aside from all the drama :) i love my job.



6. I have a vision for my husband and I to be in ministry he doesn't see it but it is all over him



7. Feet Gross me out, i hate even thinking about touching them.

I don't have anyone left to tag everyone has already been tagged but this was fun getting to know everyone a little better :)

I love Jane Austen to!!!!!!

My sister in law is awesome we should start a club !!!!!

Take the Quiz here!

The Ride of your life

Ever feel like you are on a ride that is spinning out of control. Crazy but fun ? How is it possible that so many emotions can come out of one ride?? Some are scared, excited, major adrenaline flowing. Some get sick, some laugh and cry at the same time. Kind of cool kind of like life. There is so much joy wrapped up in the crazy circle we call our lives. If you have been reading at all about my life the past couple of weeks have been like the magnum at cedar point( my favorite roller coaster). But i do think that the ride may have slowed after an eye opening conversation with my mom today i may have finally found some peace and maybe even a little deliverance. For any of you out there i need delivered from so bad bondage. ( can i get an amen ) :) I have spent several years trying to live up to what other people want and i think most of the time at the expense of myself and my family. I have given and given and given until the only thing left in me is the ugly because somehow along the road i forgot to replenish the supply. I think so many times our lives are like this Ferris wheel spinning so fast out of control we don't know how to stop it. We get so caught up in the everyday functions that before we know it we have allowed to many people on our ride and it is spinning like a whirlwind massively out of control. We should never be in control it should always be God, when we get on rides we are not in control the crazy carny guy with the wrinkled shirt, and the messy hair and no teeth is in control. Most of us will jump right on that ride and put our life in his hands but we won't put it in the hands of the very one who gave us life, who breathed the air in our lungs and allowed us to live. Today i have challenged myself.. i want to hear the voice of God i will quiet all the voices in my head so that for the first time in a very long time i will be able to hear him. I mean really hear him and know his purposes for my life. In the hustle of everyday i want to be able to say i did what he wanted me to do, i touched who he wanted me to touch and minister to. My life is not about me, it has a greater purpose, to be who he wants. So next time you go to the fair or an amusement park stop and think Whose hands am i putting my life in? I chose God over all I chose you !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Redirection???????????????

I am so frustrated and angry, so instead of having a pity party i
am gonna write no one really reads these anyway so it is OK :) I have been in such a whirlwind of emotions and everyone around me somehow always twists it around to be my problem. Am i seriously the only one that reacts or has emotions. Does the whole world spin around my anger or my resentment or my flesh. Am i really the only one in the whole entire world that has a temper? Or i am the only one that refuses to hid behind a mask of fakeness. I have heard it said that what you are most passionate about is a gift in your life. In my case what makes you the maddest. (is that a word?) I want so much to control it. I have spend weeks pouring into the word and trying to change the attitude of my heart, but it does not seem to be working. So what now?? I am wrecking havoc all around me and making everyone miserable so they say. Is there a verse about finding out where your anger comes from?? Is it some deep dark place in me where i have not forgiven someone or feel like they owe me something. Is it just me being selfish or is it everyone else??? (Fat chance on the everyone else part), That would mean that other people would have to admit when they are wrong and that won't happen while i am alive to see it. I have relinquished my pride to know that no matter how right i may be to save face i say i am sorry and that is it. Not every one shares my desire for peace, and probably will never admit it might possibly be something they have done. But the reality of the situation is I am not responsible for them, i am responsible for me and my actions. So while lashing out might feel good is it right?? That is the question. But when is my silence enough, when i have become a door mat and allowed everyone to walk on me and trample me so far in the ground i can't see the top. When i am buried so deep in hurt and anger that i really am mad everyday, these are question i battle with. When is enough really enough? At what point do i sacrifice my self-esteem , pride or lack there of for everyone else to be right and have the last word???? I will resolve within myself this morning to lay it at your feet Jesus for you are really the only one that can answer these questions racing through my head. I will make peace with you and in my own heart.

I am Sad!!!!!

It is crazy that with every day comes a new challenge. The last couple of days i have been feeling somewhat out of sorts. Not really knowing what to do or who to trust. I have sought God at every feeling of uncertainity and today i felt like a crazy woman. Like someone opened a box of spaghetti and dropped it on the floor and every piece of me was broke in half. The empty box serves no purpose. Someone posed the question of my skills as a wife and mother and i felt so sad. Am i really all of the negative, do i really make life that hard, am i really that unbearable. If i am God please forgive me. I don't try to be that horrible. I really am trying to be like you, it has been raining all day and i have done laundry and housework but my heart is sad and hurting. Where do i turn when i hurt to jesus. He is the only one i feel ok with. Lord i need you to come in and heal my hurting heart and restore the wounds of words. You are my refuge. Good thing i have been reading Psalm 62.

Good Friday!!!!

Wow a day off, a three day weekend gotta love those. I have recently come into some what of a clarity in my life the past couple of days. Trust no one but God, your family and that is it...... People are so fickle and i guess me relying on people so much has caused somewhat of a handicap on my part. There is this little inner voice that tells me i need them to be successful. Don't get me wrong i know we need relationships and authorities in our life. But why do we put so much emphasis on what people think. I have spent the greater part of me trying to please everyone around me and wasted so much time and energy. When what i really should have been doing was just loving God. Pouring every ounce of energy in walking out his plan and will for my life. Time flies by so quickly and things always happen for a reason. I thank God everyday that i wake up to new ideas and dreams and goals for our family. It is almost Easter, the day all of us Christians live for. The day he arose and i can't help but think is he waiting on us to arise. Those things that have died on the very inner of us. The thing that makes us who we are. Is it dead inside can we arise to meet the Jesus that so many people talk about. The one who gave his very life that we might have life forever. Thinking on Easter i am reminded of the movie the passion and so many thought omg how graphic did they really have to show all of that. But i am also reminded that he really didn't have to do all that. It was his choice to be ridiculed, mocked beaten beyond recognition for me. Debra Jean Denson, yes he knows my name and he would do it all again just for me. I love you lord , Oh how he loves us OH he loves us so. What an awesome thing how he loves us!!!!!!!!!

In the Shelter of His Arms!!!!!!!

A few days ago a really good friend shared a special passage of scripture with me that blew me away. Have you ever read Psalm 62, I mean really read it. I have read it several times a day for the last few days and wow, I mean really read it thinking that God is talking to me. It was an amazing peace and feeling of safety to know.... "He alone is my rock and i shall not be shaken" He is the one that will always be the steady in my life!!!!! "Find rest o my soul in God alone my hope comes from him" Not only shall i not be shaken but i can rest and hope. For years i have found shelter in the approval of man or doing a good job. It was like a light turned on in the inside of me, I just need Jesus. I don't need to find my hope and rest in any man but in the one who is like a steady rock. "Two things have i heard that you o God are strong, and that you O lord are loving" Is that really true to find strength and love and compassion and joy and peace and hope and restoration all wrapped up in one solitary life. One rock that holds the key to my very life and destiny. Psalm 62 says he is steady and i shall not be shaken. So no matter how uncertain i feel right now or how much i want to run, he is the steady in me he will not let me be shaken he will gently guide me on the right path through a loving and hopeful, restful place where i will be rewarded for all my battle fighting. WOW pretty amazing God we have. I thank you lord for loving me enough to be the rock in me!

Saturday !!!!!

Today started out like any other saturday i slept :) i love to sleep and am saddened by my recent discovery of Proverbs that says do not love sleep or you will be poor, if that was the only thing stopping me from my fortune, wow did i blow it:) I love order and hate chaos but today has been somewhat chaotic running here and there and everywhere it is five thirty and i have not done the first load of laundry....... but something on the inside of me says so. I took my little girl to get her hair cut off today wow, after that we took a trip to the store to buy groceries and spent a afternoon hanging out, Johnnie is cooking dinner and we are just being together. It is amazing to me how good God really is. I know i have said it several times but i am so happy we are a functional family unit. We really are, I am so thankful for my husband and my kids and for the wonders in this world like a beautiful spring day with grass and flowers and a light breeze. I am so excited for what is ahead of us and the many challenges we will face don't scare me anymore as long as we are together :) Life will always be good.

I love my family

Today was the first day back to world after the dreaded time change our day started out crazy. The kids were crying not enough sleep, I didn't hear the alarm clock ( me not enough sleep) so we dashed out of bed threw everything together then headed to work( me still not enough sleep). I was feeling a little out of sorts or as my kids like to call it cranky:) Wasn't until about ten o'clock that i realized i choose how my day is gonna be, chugged down some coffee and started over. Now wouldn't it be awesome if everyone had that kind of revelation every day. I think so many times we move along everyday doing the same thing over and over and never realizing we are choosing to repeat routines. I want a new day with a new way. Try something different instead of saying yes every time they ask say no just once. Spend a night at home curled up on the couch with your family and a great movie. Go on a picnic or just be together. Life is way to short to waste any more time. God has called each of us to live each day to the fullest. My greatest accomplishment will be the arrows i shoot into the future. My kids and they will always cherish the little things, the notes in the lunchbox or me stopping to actually listen to what they are saying. It is amazing how much they teach me. I love my family and I love the way we are all growing together. God still moves stones and my family has become a rock that shall not be moved by anyone. We are together in every way. Finally a healthy family unit :) Thanks to everyone that never gave up on us and all the prayers that went out. They really worked :)

A New Week

You know it is crazy my whole life Sunday has been the seventh day of the week, but look at any calender and they have Sunday as the first day of the week. Why is that??? Why the first last???? What is the deal, Friday he died rose on the third day which day of the week is Sunday. As a child i grew up dreading Sunday my mom always made us go to church i liked church but i hated getting dressed up. Stupid i know but you know kids and how they think. But now as an adult i kind of still dread Sunday not because of the clothes anymore but because so many people have learned how to wear masks and to me it is just another day for a different mask! I long for the day when we all take off our masks and live just like we are. I think God desires that he wants himself seen through us and how can we really show him if we are always hiding behind a mask. So today i challenge you which mask will you wear. Jesus or the days of the week mask. I repented this morning at church for not having the hunger and passion for the holy spirit i should have so no more masks for me. What you see is what you get no matter who likes or doesn't. I want to reflect him everywhere i go and in everything i do. I wanna be just like you Lord.

Feels like Fall in Indiana!!!!

Today is Saturday, I love this day the day that is all mine... As a mom, wife and worker don't get many of those do we ladies??? Well today i am doing some laundry little cleaning and i mean little :) and some deep thinking. When it is time for God to move you do you really know for sure or is it like everything in life you get a word and you act on it. If it was to soon you step back if it was to late you hold on and pray really hard. But if it was the right time, the gates of hell swing wide open and Satan unleashes every demon in hell to chase you. I think that i am in the fight of my life and God is still so evident to me. NOW THAT IS WHAT I CALL GROWTH!!! Not to toot my own horn but Johnnie and I have been growing so much lately and i love the growth especially since it is together. We are building bonds with each other and with our kids. It is absolutely amazing how God's timing is always the right time. Don't rush him he is perfecting something and believe me God's perfection is the one you want not your own. !!!!!!

My Life is Crazy!!!!

You know so many times, when you speak out in faith and say words like I am gonna trust God no matter what all hell breaks loose. Sunday my supervisor and her husband resigned from the church which was a huge blow did not even know anything at all. I felt such a loss she has been there for me in so many ways. There were times when we would be at each others throats but every time like a new day we would always overcome. Over the past seven years she has been my boss but most importantly my friend. My heart is broken i feel like we should have a memorial service. I know that there is so much more on the inside of them but i miss them so much. My job is not the same, my church is not the same. I need Jesus more than ever before. I don't understand why things happen the way they do. The one thing i do know is that God does. I have to trust him right now no matter how much i am hurting and how unsure i am of the future. Today i got through today and tomorrow i will get through tomorrow "he knows the plans he has for me" plans to give me a hope and a future. Praise God i am forever in his hands ;)

Wow this is fun~~~~

It is amazing to me how much you learn on these blogs:) just spend an hour reading my sister in laws page or blog shall we say and i learned alot about her and her family when you live far away from people and your life is as busy as both of ours you seldom have a minute to come up for air much less talk on the phone. So for that I am grateful for her blog, it keeps me in the know. Welcome to the Densons World :) I love my family and I miss them so much especially all my nieces by that I mean Nine nieces. Seven on my husbands side and two on mine. My little boy is the only male in a long line or headstrong goal grabbing woman:) Way to go Emry. The incredible challenging life of buzy working mom is so rewarding sometimes, My kids Emry almost ten and Maya almost nine never seem to amaze me at how much they see and recognize. God has shown light through them so many times. I love to watch them during our church worship service they are amazing worshippers and I am proud to call them mine.