I wanna get lost in you.....

I have not been writing as much as i was time is so scarce these days and i feel like i am in a huge transition right now. Everything is changing so quickly. I feel so frustrated and disoriented. I feel like there is huge wedge between me and my hubby right now. Not that there really is but it feels like it. I recognize that we are both frustrated and don't know which way is up or down. I have not been very easy to get along with these days. This i know is very true. I want so much to find that inner strength that i know is in there. I used to be so strong and secure in who i was and what i was supposed to do. Experiencing what we did in Chicago and then coming home to the same mundane things has been hard. My mom said when you are used by God inevitable discouragement will try to creep in your doors. I fear i have let it in. I want to silence all the voices in my head but God's. I know what he said to me it is time to let go. I have been holding on to a position and a place that is not mine to have. Johnnie says that when you seek position only you will always be disappointed but i guess where i get confused is what are we supposed to chase after? Does the will of God mean no position or does it mean we seek only him and he will put us where he wants us? How do we get ahead?? What are we really supposed to be going after. My heart feels so heavy i have been renewing my mind every day and praying every time i take a breath. I will not sink in to a hole, has been my daily confession. But it is really hard when the man you love is poking his head back in his shell and you feel like it is your fault. I do trust him and i do trust God it is all the crazy people with more flesh than raw meat that i don't trust. It is such a scary thing when you have spent years of your life sacrificing for people without even knowing it. When all along it was really supposed to be for God. I have planted both feet on the ground and am standing firm not only for my self but for Johnnie to. We will succeed and fulfill every word ever spoken over our life. We will not shrink back no matter how out of place we feel or how overlooked it may seem. Our promises are yes and amen and god will be faithful to fulfill every one. He has called us and i know we need to make room for the place in our life. We have got to look ahead and stop allowing all that is spinning around us right now to detour what we know we heard. So devil if your listening ( which i know you are ) you can't have our destiny. We will be like Job and praise God through every roadblock, through every pain and hurt and trial. I will forever have his praise on my lips. God please forgive me for doubting what i know you said to me and allowing fear to overtake me causing me to be a stumbling block to the most important man in my life. I love you johnnie we are gonna do it i know we will.

Life is full of Suprises!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you have spent any time at all with me you know how much I love to be lazy on Saturday's:).. I love to watch movies and hate to do house work. This Saturday wasn't any different but i felt like writing. God is changing and growing me and my family so much. I have been searching and praying for myself to move out of the way and for him to shine through me. Just him and only him, while i know we are human i want more of him and less of me. Looking at this picture of Johnnie and Harry while it is quite amusing and somewhat of an inside joke. I am amazed at the friend Harry is to Johnnie. They have been friends for years, and i don't mean the kind that come and go. I mean the kind that stick. They can have a very loud discussion and not see eye to eye and in ten minutes walk away laughing. I wish i had that kind of friendship. I think with women it is different we are very emotional and tend to hold grudges. I love the women god has placed in my life. But are they really my true friends. I have been asking myself this and many other questions lately. Life is so short it seems sometimes. Watching your kids grow up while you look away for one minute. One week turns into one year and what have we really done with that year. I have really been pondering on my life and what it entails and what i feel like god wants from me. I so much want to please him and stand before him and hear "well done". Their are so many parts to me that i really don't like. I hate how people always turn things around and play off the fact that i tend to feel guilty over everything. I really don't like that. I want you to tell me the truth. If you just need me to do things for you and that is it. Tell me don't pretend your my friend and then your not. That is just childish and foolish. On a little bit lighter note these people have forced me to learn to rely solely on god and what he wants to do in my life, i am so thankful for him and my family. Without them i would be lost. I know that everything happens for a purpose so me rambling through this blog has helped me more than any counseling session;) I am sorry if this didn't make sense to anyone. But sometimes you just need to get it out.

The Sloans......

I spent three wonderful days with these girls and i miss them like crazy. Tara and Craig have done an amazing job with them. They are on fire bible breathing chitlins:) I am so proud to call them my nieces. Kaitlyn has an awesome powerful anointing in dance. Incredible!!!!!! She also is an amazing prayer warrior. When we were in Chicago i pulled her up to pray for a girl and she prayed until she broke. It was amazing to see her minister and flow. Kelsea has always been my baby, she stayed alot with us when she was little and now she is grown and doesn't talk as much as she did then her and Maya used to dance their hearts out to Mary Kate and Ashley movies. My how times have changed. Haley bug she is such a miracle born early she has always been a fighter, her and emry have always been buds. Being around her made me realize how alike they are. They are technology geniuses or they should be for all the time they spend with electronics. Lexi was a baby when they moved away but she acts like she has grown up with us she wanted me to help her do everything it was so much fun to be needed by her. And baby Izzy with the wild Gigi hair. What a precious angel she was she loved Johnnie so much she was a little skittish of me but was loving on me by the end of the weekend. Craig and Tara were awesome and flowing with them was so easy like we had been doing it all our lives. God is amazing at how he works things. It has been years since we seen them but we picked up like it was yesterday. I miss them and send them my love. I love you guys and can't wait to see you again soon. Can you tell i am missing family today you don't really realize how important people are until they are to far away to run down the street and see. There are so many people in my life that i cherish. I am thankful god has blessed us with family and such wonderful friends. Thank you for loving us and always being support and help all the time.

The Greatest Man Ever (JOHNNIE)

It is almost fathers day and i just want to say I am so thankful for the man that God has placed in my life and over my home. I have watched him grow and experience God and gain wisdom daily and i am just amazed at how wise he really is. Does he know everything NO does he need me YES :) But I need him to and i know that he does have much wisdom. He has been my strength the last month and i am so grateful to have him in my life. We went to Chicago to lead worship for the first time ever and our intentions were to bring Jesus with us and to only be used by him. I was so honored to serve alongside him. He is an untapped resource of worship and knowledge few people really understand Him. But i know that he will be used by God and has the ability to touch lives some will never waste their time on. He will be the one that gives the quarter back on the bus, because he knows the importance of one of God's children. I am so blessed to call him my husband and the father of my children. God has grown us together and i would not have had it any other way. We have fought, loved, cried and cared more deeply over the past ten years. But god has molded us into a very dangerous couple. Watch out Satan you can't have anyone we come in contact with. The Jesus in Johnnie and Debbie will kick your butt!!!!! So to end this i want to say I LOVE YOU BABE you are the most amazing husband, father and friend. I am so glad God gave me you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chicago was Incredible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chicago was so awesome!!!! We landed Thursday at about one thirty and we didn't stop until Saturday at two thirty in the morning. We were all exhausted but i would not have traded the experience for anything in the world. Thursday we hung out with Craig and Tara and the girls ate some pizza and just chilled. Friday morning we rode the bus all by our self:) to downtown and did some walking and site seeing it was pretty amazing i am not sure the big city life is for me all that walking and all that traffic :) Wow it is crazy but beautiful. We got to the hotel at about two thirty and my mom met us there we set up the sound and it got really busy from there we practiced and then at seven we did our first ever leading by our self. It was amazing something we thought we weren't at all ready for God so went before us and paved a road that was smooth as can be. The first session ended up going for quite a long time. The power of god fell and peoples lives were changed they flowed in the prophetic and God just really moved. It was so a rewarding and humbling experience. God is truly awesome and he does take care of us.... Friday night we ended our last part at about twelve thirty went to our room ate some Giordano's and tried to catch some Zzz..... Woke up before eight to start our day all over. The morning sessions were great all the speakers did an awesome job. Especially Tara she was amazing and we ending the day in worship and prophetic. Breaking (literally with hammering cement blocks) things off of our life that needed to be broken. It was incredible. The time went by way to fast and i so enjoyed hanging with the Sloan's. I missed them so much, didn't really realize how much i missed them until i was with them. The five girls are amazing and each one different and sweet as can be. Chicago has definitely captured my heart with my precious family there. Thank you God for the wonderful opportunity and the provision you made for us to be able to attend. Thanks to the wonderful encounter team who did such an incredible job of putting the whole thing together. Hats off to all of you. You are awesome men and women of God.

Chicago Here we come!!!!!

We have been given the great opportunity of ministering with Pastors Craig and Tara Sloan in Chicago this weekend. I am so excited to get to see them and the girls and i also am excited to see the doors that God is opening for us. One question has been racing through my mind all day. Are we ready???? When are we ever really ready or do we just put one foot in front of the other and jump in head first. I do know that God has opened this door and he will give us what we need to fulfill this opportunity giving him all the glory and honor and praise. Our only job is to worship him and allow his anointing to flow through us. It is not about our gifts it is about him and i am so blessed and honored that he chose us for such a time as this. His wonders never cease to amaze me. He loves us :)

My Sister in law loves some Questionaires:)!!!!!

I joke on you tara but these are really fun and i learn so much about people and you that i didn't know. LOVE YOU SIS!!!!


I AM: Emptying myself to try to become full of jesus...

I WANT: God's perfect plan for me and my family

I WISH: i saw my family more often

I HATE: fakeness, just be real....

I LOVE: mi familia and worship

I MISS: my family!

I FEAR: walking through the wrong door.

I HEAR: nap musie

I WONDER: what jesus looks like

I REGRET: being over emotional

I AM NOT: skinny but starting over ;)

I DANCE: with my kids

I SING: everytime i open my mouth.

I CRY: Way to much

I AM NOT ALWAYS: very quiet

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: food ;)

I WRITE: as often as i can

I CONFUSE: anything i have to remember

I NEED: to lose a hundred pounds :)

I SHOULD: exercise every day

I START: alot would like to finish more

I FINISH: all of my sentances whether you listen or not

I TAG: all my blogging friends and anyone else who comes here and wants to do this.